University of Wynwood Gets Real

I so do not want Andy Cohen’s job.

Seven years ago, the casting crew for a show called “The Cut” rolled into town. I, against my better judgement, let someone talk me into auditioning for the wannabe “Project Runway”-esque show. And then I made it past the first round. And the second round. And the third round. Yikes. The next step was a trip to L.A. to meet the producers. And that’s where I pulled the plug. I’m wasn’t sure the whole world was ready for me. Not just yet, anyway.

But that was seven years ago. And since then, a ton of new reality shows have washed up on the tube. Some good: “Work of Art.” Some bad: Anything on E! Love them or hate them, reality TV programs are here to stay. So, why not mock the hell out of them?

That’s exactly what University of Wynwood has planned with its Reality Conference 2011. The topic (or “problem,” as they call it): Why is “reality television” so awesome? Discuss. If you’re one of “those” people who spends copious amounts of time watching housewives, bachelors, shore dwellers, dancing C-list stars and idols, this is your payoff. Yes, I am as surprised as you there is one, too.

On December 10 from 1 to 5 p.m. Lester’s Bar (2519 N.W. Second Ave.,) transforms into a reality tv junkie haven. You can register here to attend — it’s free. We can’t wait to see the mix of litterati-meets-Rachel Zoe-zealots.

The best part, you can actually get on stage and ramble for a total of 15 minutes about how Teresa drug poor Andy Cohen across the stage. Or how Kim Kardashian’s wedding headpiece was the most putrid head ornament you’ve seen to date. Hell, you can even talk about “Survivor” contestant Phillip’s pink manties for a grand total of 15 minutes. But, in order to do so, you’ll need to send a brief description, no more than 300 words, outlining your presentation, paper, panel of performance (Interpretive dance of “Jersey Shore’s” Mike smashing his own head into the wall, anyone?). Just make sure you get it all in by Nov. 23. Then send it all to If you’re picked, you’ll be notified on Nov. 28.

Kuddos to University of Wynwood, a non-profit dedicated to advancing contemporary lit in Miami, for coming up with such a kitchy conference. My most favorite part, however, is where it says on the press release, “Prior experience in academia is not required.” ‘Ya think?