Jun07

My Triumphant Return to Yoga at Ahana Yoga

{Wearing: DYI Take Control Leggings and DYI Elevate Bra c/o Glimpse Miami at

Ahana Yoga}

My yoga practice has, for lack of more socially acceptable terms, gone to shit. I do a little here and there, but the die-hard dedication has fallen right off a cliff. And I know exactly why: Yoga is the one place I cannot hide from myself. It’s the one place I have to face all the things in my life head on. I have always said yoga is my church. And there’s no hiding the ugly from God once I’m there in that confessional. Unless, I don’t go. That way, I don’t let myself fall into that sacred space where I’m raw.

And that’s what I’ve been doing for a very long time now. There are a lot of reasons why. But I won’t get into them. Don’t get me wrong. I love yoga. I identify myself as a yogi—with 20-something years of practice behind me. But I’ve been avoiding the spiritual aspect of the practice for way, way too long.

And then I was asked to host an influencer yoga sesh at Ahana Yoga alongside some of my favorite people. Ahana is run by Dawn B, whom I’ve long adored. So, of course, I said yes.

I got a cute millennial pink workout look from Glimpse Miami in Sunset Harbor. Seriously, how cute is my DYI set? I did my social media plugs of the event. I kissed hellos. I laughed. I took my place on my mat and then it happened. I found that space I could no longer run from. I was face to face with all the avoidance I’ve spend a good chunk of change running from. As the sweat was pouring down my body from the kick-ass practice, I felt the bliss that comes from yoga. The yoga had started to take over. As Dawn asked us to release what was bothering us, I found those demons had worked their way to the forefront. And it was time to let go of them. It was time to lay down my grudges, my worries, my stubbornness and just be. It was time to accept I haven’t been working at my full potential. It’s was time to admit I’m wrong. I’ve screwed up. I need to let go.

During shavasana, my emotions got the best of me and I managed to tear up a bit. I suppose that was the last of the bottled up drama I’ve been holding on to flowing right out of me.

I walked out of that class lighter than I’ve felt in awhile. No longer bogged down by self- doubt, frustration, fear and self-loathing.

Afterward, a friend asked where I practice. I told her, I don’t anymore. And when she asked why I told her because yoga is where I have to face my demons and I just didn’t want to. I know that probably made zero sense. But it was perfectly clear to me. Up until today I didn’t want to deal with any of that.

And now, after today, I don’t have to hide from myself anymore.

I’ve longed been asked why I don’t teach yoga. It’s because yoga is far too religious for me to ever teach anyone. I will forever be a student. It’s too sacred for me to inflict that on others. It’s too personal. But I do live to workout. And while I was running from yoga, I clung to Pilates. And I fell in love with it, too. And after many years of making it the first thing I do with my day, I decided that while being a yoga teacher isn’t my calling, I fully believe being a Pilates instructor is. And so next week I start teaching training so that I can share the gift of Pilates with others. It’s something I’m so over the moon about. So, come December or so I should be whipping butts into better shape. I hope you’ll come and let me teach you. As for yoga, well, I’ll be doing plenty of that, too, as a perpetual student, though. The two go together so well. I can’t imagine one without the other. But I leave the sanctity of yoga to masters like Dawn.